Painful years have rolled by since we parted. For a while I thought I knew where you were. I am not so sure anymore. You sent me a phone number that does not seem to work. I want to believe that was a genuine error, knowing how fast your fingers fly on the keypad.
All I have now are your social media footprints. But I am not on any of them to look you up. I ask myself if I should be tracking you on those if you have chosen to fade out of my life. May be I should not.
I knew this moment would come to pass.
In all these years I thought of you often. I thought of us often - could we ever be father and child. The voice of reason said No. The voice of the heart said, Why not?
I concede that my voices don't matter any more. Yours do.
What I think, say or do cannot be of much consequence to anyone, except to my loving wife and the two little fellows to whom I am God and Devil rolled into one. They cannot think of a world without me either way. And to my old man who always sees in my shriveling, withering old form the "cherub" that he held in his arms fifty seven years ago.
Yours is the voice of the future. I have to care about what it says, much as you will. There are many more to whom it matters and will continue to matter, than mine will in the years that remain for me.
In these years my voice of reason has often admonished me that I am being insane to harbor, to nurture this unnatural relationship. That I have made a world of pure make-believe, all to rationalize my feelings for you.
Every time, voice of my heart would respond, So what. The line between sanity and madness is where we draw it.
As yet another academic year draws to a close, I now realize that I have nothing more than an email id that binds us.
As I reflect on it I am reminded of a line that the Swami of Puttaparthi, I am told, said to one of His devotees. I am glad that you see Me in My picture. But I hope that I am not a mere picture to you.
My voice of reason tells me, Forget it now. She is just another email id. And the voice of my heart says, Not quite. The email id is everything now. It is the whole bagful of memories - of your guileless smile, your self-effacing nature, the wonderful human being that you are, the only girl-child that I ever will have in this life..
All I have now are your social media footprints. But I am not on any of them to look you up. I ask myself if I should be tracking you on those if you have chosen to fade out of my life. May be I should not.
I knew this moment would come to pass.
In all these years I thought of you often. I thought of us often - could we ever be father and child. The voice of reason said No. The voice of the heart said, Why not?
I concede that my voices don't matter any more. Yours do.
What I think, say or do cannot be of much consequence to anyone, except to my loving wife and the two little fellows to whom I am God and Devil rolled into one. They cannot think of a world without me either way. And to my old man who always sees in my shriveling, withering old form the "cherub" that he held in his arms fifty seven years ago.
Yours is the voice of the future. I have to care about what it says, much as you will. There are many more to whom it matters and will continue to matter, than mine will in the years that remain for me.
In these years my voice of reason has often admonished me that I am being insane to harbor, to nurture this unnatural relationship. That I have made a world of pure make-believe, all to rationalize my feelings for you.
Every time, voice of my heart would respond, So what. The line between sanity and madness is where we draw it.
As yet another academic year draws to a close, I now realize that I have nothing more than an email id that binds us.
As I reflect on it I am reminded of a line that the Swami of Puttaparthi, I am told, said to one of His devotees. I am glad that you see Me in My picture. But I hope that I am not a mere picture to you.
My voice of reason tells me, Forget it now. She is just another email id. And the voice of my heart says, Not quite. The email id is everything now. It is the whole bagful of memories - of your guileless smile, your self-effacing nature, the wonderful human being that you are, the only girl-child that I ever will have in this life..
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