If you sense a victorious ring to that title you are right. In the past two months I may have managed to get my mind, thoughts, emotions and whatever else I am unable to think of, out of the clutches of those thoughts that had been holding my weak nature hostage for some years now.
During those years I struggled. Some of that turmoil resulted in the most difficult posts that I had been writing, dripping with self-pity. After a while I gave up, having lost hope of ever wriggling out of the emotional mess I had landed myself into.
In the most unanticipated manner in these past two months I got release from that state of the mind, by God's Grace.
The victory has some Pyrrhic air to it. As I thought about it I was reminded of the various military victories that I have been reading about in the newspapers: The Taliban being replaced by the allied troops again being replaced by the local government in Afghanistan. The IS being repulsed by an inchoate coalition of Kurds, Shia Iraqis and Sunnis, none of whom would talk to each other on a normal day.
The point in simple terms is this: I have managed to replace one misery with another. Why do I feel victorious then? I do so because I have established the important principle that the original malaise could be eradicated from my system. Somewhat like the principle of vaccination.
How do I know I have prevailed? The most telling indicator is that for the first time in many years I am feeding my craze for mush with Mitwaa and Tu Jaane Na from youtube, in place of various soulful Mallu songs that I would play ad nauseum much to the unhappiness of Lakshmi and my sons.
Again, what is there in a tune after all, you might ask.
Tunes are reflective of the world that I see in my mind, although I am no musician, nor am I knowledgeable about music. But music is all about social and personal contexts. They are closely connected to events in one's life.
The Mallu songs reflected the complete capture of my mind in all these years, to the exclusion of everything else. That I listened to a whole long list of songs today with not a single Mallu song to me indicates the fall of my mind to the forces of liberation by God's Grace.
That still leaves the task of asking the forces of liberation to leave before they become the new oppressors. But with a little bit of tenacity that should not be impossible. After all, the idea that territory can be recaptured has been demonstrated.
True the new obsession would linger for a while. And may even leave a trail of misery as it is evicted. But that the new occupant can be pushed out is now within the realms of demonstrated feasibility by God's Grace. And that this territory called my mind belongs entirely to my wife and sons and my Dad.
Nanni....Namaskaaram...
During those years I struggled. Some of that turmoil resulted in the most difficult posts that I had been writing, dripping with self-pity. After a while I gave up, having lost hope of ever wriggling out of the emotional mess I had landed myself into.
In the most unanticipated manner in these past two months I got release from that state of the mind, by God's Grace.
The victory has some Pyrrhic air to it. As I thought about it I was reminded of the various military victories that I have been reading about in the newspapers: The Taliban being replaced by the allied troops again being replaced by the local government in Afghanistan. The IS being repulsed by an inchoate coalition of Kurds, Shia Iraqis and Sunnis, none of whom would talk to each other on a normal day.
The point in simple terms is this: I have managed to replace one misery with another. Why do I feel victorious then? I do so because I have established the important principle that the original malaise could be eradicated from my system. Somewhat like the principle of vaccination.
How do I know I have prevailed? The most telling indicator is that for the first time in many years I am feeding my craze for mush with Mitwaa and Tu Jaane Na from youtube, in place of various soulful Mallu songs that I would play ad nauseum much to the unhappiness of Lakshmi and my sons.
Again, what is there in a tune after all, you might ask.
Tunes are reflective of the world that I see in my mind, although I am no musician, nor am I knowledgeable about music. But music is all about social and personal contexts. They are closely connected to events in one's life.
The Mallu songs reflected the complete capture of my mind in all these years, to the exclusion of everything else. That I listened to a whole long list of songs today with not a single Mallu song to me indicates the fall of my mind to the forces of liberation by God's Grace.
That still leaves the task of asking the forces of liberation to leave before they become the new oppressors. But with a little bit of tenacity that should not be impossible. After all, the idea that territory can be recaptured has been demonstrated.
True the new obsession would linger for a while. And may even leave a trail of misery as it is evicted. But that the new occupant can be pushed out is now within the realms of demonstrated feasibility by God's Grace. And that this territory called my mind belongs entirely to my wife and sons and my Dad.
Nanni....Namaskaaram...
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