Anticipating a wandering life

I must have listened to this song Aarodum Mindaathe a countless number of times as I struggled to complete grading the mid term papers.  The song depicts the life that I wish to lead in my forthcoming sabbatical.  Here is a link if you wish to listen to it and / or interested in the visuals. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM5_V-pj8ik

The song itself is from a movie, Chintaavishtayaaya Shyamala (Shyamala, Afflicted by Concern), in which the central protagonist is a character that resembles me a lot.  Here is a link to a review of the movie just in case you are curious.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinthavishtayaya_Shyamala.

The protagonist is a school teacher who is trying to discover a role for himself in life beyond that of a simple school teacher.  In the process he goes through aa variety of experiences, including trying his hand at many businesses, unsuccessfully, because he mistakes his understanding of economics for his ability as a businessman. And that exaggerated and unrealistic assessment of his true calling in life is one of the key points of similarity to me. 

The other point of similarity is his dilettantish approach to the many activities that he tries his hand at, his unwillingness to lay enough on the line for any of them coupled with his escapist attitude.  But the closes point of similarity to me is the struggle that his various flirtations with one fancy after another inflict on his doting wife and their two children, which reminds me of my non-existent contribution to the running of my own family, which in turn is intact largely due to Lakshmi’s toil.  Mine is a criminal neglect for which I cannot flagellate myself enough.

In the song in question, Vijayan the protagonist, wanders across the temples of the state of Kerala, having deserted his family over a disagreement on his latest fancy, namely, pursuit of spiritualism.

I hope to spend a reasonable part of my sabbatical hopping from one major temple to the other, mostly in Northern Kerala, a part of the state that I have not seen much of, a part that has been more affected by the vicissitudes of history starting from the times when the Dravidians tried to settle down there, after the Aryans unseated them from the Northern (Indo-Gangetic) plains, only to find that their animistic religions and more egalitarian societies would be assaulted by the Aryans who pursued them further down not long after.

I look forward to moving around with the bare minimum of clothes and the books that I need and hope to spend time on during the sabbatical. I hope to lead a life of Spartan solitude, both being essential to reflect on the troubled life that I have led in all these long years, a life of conflict and confusion, of a somewhat mindless pursuit of goals that I was not sure I really wanted. 

I hope the solitude and the Spartan life will allow me to contemplate on the Lord and beseech His forgiveness for the countless sinful and indiscreet acts of mine that I know have inflicted pain on the various people in my life, people dear and not so dear.  I hope to ask that the gentle warmth of His loving gaze thaw my frozen innards that have often left me incapable of even the most basic level of empathy. 

Through these many wanderings I hope to take at least one baby step towards emerging as a better human being.

As I contemplate this life my overactive observer ego asks me if this is all about my infatuation with the people of my home state that reared its head in the past year or so.  And I say to myself that such may not be the case.  I think that phase of infatuation is behind me, convinced as I am now that it has been largely unrequited.

That said I do have an unfinished business around the town of Thrissur, where I hope to spend a few days learning more about a phenomenon that has affected my life in a significant way recently.  I am sure I will wander around there like a lost soul harking back to enquire about or even guard its possessions that it had to leave behind before it could sate itself with the joy from those personal effects.

How much of this wish list will I manage to run through during those twelve months?  I do not know, although I do have a strong desire to complete all of it.

If I do I am sure that I will write about my travels.  On the other hand I might just find this whole business of blogging irrelevant when I am done with all those travels.  Come to think of it, that is the ideal state, isn't it:  You have nothing more to say that words can convey eloquently or even meaningfully enough.  Who knows?  In any case, watch this space, as they say.

For now, like my sons losing themselves in their various worlds of fancy, I am in this state of reverie, just thinking about and looking forward to the peripatetic life that I hope to lead during those twelve months.

Nanni….Namaskaaram