Have I Lost It?

This post was triggered by a remark made by Lakshmi about a former colleague whom she used to envy and admire for his intellect.  She believes that this guy was so good at programming that he must think in hex.  For ease of reference I will call him Mr HexBrain.

Years after they parted as colleagues Mr HexBrain has been writing copiously for an e-group that he and Lakshmi and all the other colleagues are part of.  In Lakshmi’s opinion most of his writings sound bitter, sad or harsh.  That made her exclaim: This guy has lost it. 

Coming from someone who does not say much and is surgically precise about the words that she uses I was struck by her observation.  And that set me wondering if that observation would not be true of me too. 

I have been writing a fair bit in these posts:  Sixty two posts published in the three years since I started this, thirty two of those in 2015 alone.  And the year has a few more weeks to go.  Many of these posts are griping or moping sessions.

So have I lost it too?

That is when I started looking for ways in which I was hoping I could claim I am different.  First of all, unlike Mr. HexBrain I am not angry with the world at large.  It is true that there have been instances of intense pain that have led me to write many of these posts for sure.  (I was tempted to say that I was inspired to write, but then I became acutely aware of the exaggerated connotation of that word and dropped it.) 

On a more careful reflection though I feel that the primary motivation for me to write these posts has not been so much the desire to pour my heart out.  It has been more my desire to write.  It is my unending romance with the world of words.  If I had been gifted with a more creative mind I would perhaps have been writing fiction of some kind.  Alternately if I had been endowed with a more analytical mind I would have been writing some analytical stuff.  Or, if I had been of a more curious bent of mind I would have perhaps ended up as a journalist.  But write I would because of my obsession with the romance of words.

I am a sucker for great prose.  Elsewhere I remember writing that in moments of intense depression or anger I sit down with beautiful, elegant prose of any of the masters and before long I lose myself in that world. 

Words are the most important creation of God, only after the life-breath of all living beings.  Words represent the entire mind-brain complex of the human mind.

The mind-brain complex is perhaps the most complex single creative unit of the Lord, far more than all the intricate other things that He has created in nature, including the vast expanses of the oceans, the formidable wildernesses of the mountains or the far-flung other universes of which we know little yet. 

It has to be so until and unless that mind-brain complex stumbles upon something even more sophisticated in another world that we know not of yet. 

Properly decoded words reveal secrets from the inner-most recesses that the speaker may never have intended to reveal.  Words are at the core of our human civilization that we claim arrogantly sets us apart from lesser creations of the Lord.   Words and they have been strung together have helped historians construct the story of human life as it was thousands of years ago.  

Words have spurred humans into degenerative struggles leading to untold misery, suffering and loss of innocent lives, in the form of armed conflict on a global scale.  Words have also been used to express some of the most beautiful thoughts across people of different ethnicity and languages.  Words from the lips of souls that are filled with love and compassion bring succour to troubled and grieving minds.

In short words represent everything that is noble or evil about human civilization at the same time.  It is impossible to say the same about any other facet of the human civilization.

It is that obsession with words that makes me want to write.

That said, I realize that there has certainly been sadness, disappointment, anger and resignation in my posts, all in some measure or combination, even though they were not the reasons for my writing. 

How do I know that for sure?  Well I have been writing these posts for longer than I have been struck by these recent dark feelings. 

Notwithstanding all that, it is time I perhaps exorcised these feelings and moved on.  It is time I found new topics and themes to write on. 

That is more easily said than done, given that pain and suffering have been one of the major factors that have inspired some of the greatest works in the world of words.  Yet I should make a start, just so I can be sure that I have not lost it, if not for any other reason.

Nanni….Namaskaaram